Tag Archives: Valentine’s Day 2015

“Stop using the grace of God as a brick wall…”

Old Fashioned is really three different love stories…

Clearly, on the horizontal, it’s a romance between Clay and Amber—two very different souls that struggle and strive to find a way to pursue a God-honoring love relationship in rather complicated and secular times.

But—at an even deeper level—it’s also two additional love stores.  On the vertical, it’s a love story between God and Amber as well as another between God and Clay.

Amber has spent most of her life in motion.  She has lived in fourteen states and as she says in the film, “When life gets messy, I move on.  That’s what I do.  I’m good at it.”  A big part of her love story with God is her realization is that until she deals with claims of the Gospel in the “right here, right now” all of her messiness will simply continue to follow her and—sooner or later—she’ll run out of places to run to.

She is all spirit, full of life and grace.  Beautiful things, but she is rootless and easily blown by the wind.

Clay, on the other hand, is solid; Amber likes to refer to him as “reliable.”  The trouble is, although he is clearly a committed Christian, he has become so focused on being “solid” in and of his own strength that his own love story with God is oddly adrift.  He has turned something good (his conversion and life-change from his former, destructive ways) into something that is now on the verge of totally isolating himself from the One who saved him—and others.

He is all righteousness, full of law and obedience.  Noble things, but he is rigid and missing the joy and life that comes from embracing mercy and the communal experience.

Surprisingly, Amber’s love story with God in Old Fashioned finds its way sooner than Clay’s; and, if it wasn’t for his beloved Aunt Zella, Clay may have ended up in real trouble.

At his low point—and his most self-centered—Clay finds himself sitting at Aunt Zella’s kitchen table and she really lets him have it:

“Get over yourself, you and your pain.  Do you get this upset over children starving, over anyone else’s suffering?  Stop using the grace of God as a brick wall.”

It’s a pivotal, singular moment for Clay.  And for many that have seen the film already…

I know of so many committed Christians—true believers—that know God, but really aren’t fully convinced of His unbridled love for them… or, that they are fully and completely forgiven of their sins.  And they become so focused on their own unworthiness that they turn all of their energies and efforts inward and life becomes all about protecting themselves—building barriers (or walls) that blind them to the needs of a lost and hurting world all around them.

I know this is true because… I have been there.

Maybe you have, too.

The “good news” is, of course, that we don’t have to stay there.

All this isn’t to say we shouldn’t live carefully and with wisdom, or that if we have certain temptations that sometimes a “hedge of protection” might be in order.  It’s all about focus.  Is it on you, or on God and others?

Like the legendary hymn goes, “A mighty fortress is our God…”

Not, “A might fortress is our selves…”

Lots of love…

– Rik

 

The risks of missionary dating

CanYouDate

Did you know that “missionary dating” has a page in Wikipedia?

I didn’t before, but I do now.

It’s a term that is loosely applied any time a person of one faith (usually Christian) dates a person of another faith (or no faith at all).  The phrase itself implies a planned, intentional desire to convert that may have been true once upon a time, but… today, I think a lot of folks start dating without giving the idea of a person’s faith much thought.

Any consideration of conversion or evangelistic efforts is secondary, if present at all.

Is there any risk or downside to being careless with whom we date when it comes to faith in God or religion?  Can someone be drawn away from God just as easily as another might be drawn to God through a romantic connection?

Wikipedia quotes 2 Corinthians 6:14-18 which includes the warning about being “unequally yoked” with someone that isn’t on the same page with you spiritually.

In Old Fashioned, when Clay and Amber first meet they are not “equally yoked” in the strictest sense.  And this causes some genuine tension and serious misunderstandings between them.

By the end of the film, both of them do indeed end up at a place with God, individually, that has them in a much better position to pursue something romantically, together.  But it’s not an easy road and much pain could have been avoided by having some direct and intentional conversations up front, at the very beginning.

But life isn’t always as neat and tidy as it should be… and all of us are prone to not pay close enough attention at the start of a wide variety of things.  Even though we know better.

Today though, I think the consequences of being careless are rapidly becoming greater than they may have been in the recent past.  With a lot of common moral ground quickly eroding and the explosion of the hook-up culture and even the debate over sexual mores within many Christian churches…

Knowing who you are, what you believe, and what you want is possibly more important now than ever.

And there is indeed great wisdom in putting all our cards on the table up front—before our emotions (or more) become entangled with someone that really doesn’t want the same things out of life that we do.

Yes, there are always exceptions.  Some people of different faiths have had great marriages.  Some people of the same faith have gotten divorced.

It’s not about guarantees.  It’s about being obedient and putting yourself and others in the best possible position to live a life of greatest usefulness to God an in service to the needs of a broken and hurting world.

Think about that the next time some Fifty Shades of Grey poster asks you if you’re… Curious?

That’s the oldest trick in the book.  Literally…

– Rik

 

The love shoebox

In Old Fashioned, one of the most charming and creative ways that Amber brings a spark of spontaneity into Clay’s life is through an ordinary shoebox decorated by her hand.

It is carefully crafted.  It bears his name.  It calls him to choose.

Inside the box are little scraps of paper with inventive and unexpected date ideas for the two of them the experience with one another.  He’s only allowed to pick on at a time; and, no peeking is allowed.

I don’t want to give away much more because what would be the fun in that?

But with Valentine’s Day right around the corner… some of you might be looking for romantic ideas to share with the object of your affection.

Maybe you just met someone new and are looking for ways to make your time together intentional and create opportunities to really get to know one another at a deeper level…

Maybe you’ve been married for a while and are looking to spice things up…

Maybe you’re still single and dreaming of the future…

In whatever state you find yourself this Valentine’s Day, it might be fun to take some time and think outside the box… think of experiences and adventures you would really like to share with someone you love and write them down… and then maybe put those ideas inside a box!  A shoebox, no less!  And decorate that shoebox with words and images that have significant and personal meaning…

And who knows, one of the ideas inside could be… see Old Fashioned in the theatre on opening weekend!

Couldn’t resist :)…

Lots of love…

– Rik

 

Real life is messy

Messy

To be clear, the characters of Clay and Amber in Old Fashioned are not perfect.  They are flawed, broken people who are doing the best they can in stumbling toward a better way of loving each other… and a better understanding of God’s love for them.

Just like most of us.

It’s a tricky thing whenever you explore religious or spiritual themes in a film and especially so when you get anywhere near the label of being “faith-based” or something along those lines.

Suddenly, there is this odd expectation that the characters in your film are no longer allowed to be human or imperfect; but rather, they must be… examples.

That’s a lot of pressure.

And it’s also one of the reasons that so much criticism is often leveled at faith-based films for not being realistic or dealing with real-world issues in ways that are familiar to the audience.

Honestly, given some of the parameters of this niche… I’m not sure how you could accurately and truthfully make a “faith-based” film about the life of King David… or Abraham and Sarah… or countless other Biblical characters that were deeply, profoundly flawed.  I think there would be a great deal of pressure to tidy things up a bit… or leave certain elements out so as to not rock the boat too much… or, possibly, to craft a superior and more appropriate example.

And that would be a shame.  Because it is often through brokenness that God does some of His very best work.

Now, just so there is no confusion over what I’m saying here… I’m not saying you would have to be explicit in a film depicting the darker corners of the lives of those Biblical characters… or any characters in any film.  In the case of Clay and Amber in Old Fashioned, we’re able to explore some real, grown-up issues in a way that never gets explicit or crosses any lines.

Old Fashioned is rated PG-13 for “thematic material” which translates… real life is messy.  And probably a little boring for little kids!

Our film has no coarse language (at all), no explicit sex or violence, and nothing that exploits or degrades the actors.  But, it does deal honestly and openly with some relational mistakes and regrets and situations that are very much set in reality and are just as messy and complicated as those found in our own lives.

And still, God’s grace abounds.

Bottom line is, when it comes to film ratings, if you filmed someone at a table who just opened a Bible and starting reading out loud from the Old Testament… that would almost certainly be rated PG-13 for “thematic material.”  As it should.

In any event…

It’s more than a little important when making (or watching) a film that includes religious or spiritual themes that we remember and remain open to the indisputable fact that all of us—ALL of us—are still works in progress.

As Aunt Zella says in Old Fashioned…

“None of us fully arrive this side of Heaven.”

There is a deep longing for authenticity and genuine innocence growing in our culture.  And the common ground for connecting and sharing the love of Christ with those that are searching is our brokenness… not our perfection (or rather, our imagined perfection).

I mention this because…

With all of the Fifty Shades of Grey hype and comparison with Old Fashioned (which has raised our profile beyond measure and for which I’m sincerely grateful), some might start thinking that we’re positioning ourselves as some kind of Pollyanna or perfect “example” of flawless, unblemished love.

We are not.

The truth is, both stories deal with very broken, wounded protagonists… two men that are isolated, damaged, and emotionally detached.

The difference is in how the protagonists pursue their healing.

It’s not about passing judgment on anyone or anything… it’s about a sincere desire to find paths toward healing and wholeness in a world that often outright ignores the sacred aspect and purpose for which love and romance was created.

And finding those paths, in life and movies (and marketing) can be and often is… messy.

Thank God for His mercy… and for providing us all with the one and only perfect “example” this world has ever seen…

– Rik

 

The countdown to Valentine’s Day has begun…

“How did you do it?”

I’ve been getting asked that question a lot ever since the press broke wide open when we announced we were releasing Old Fashioned the same day as Fifty Shades of Grey.

How did a little indie movie like ours—with no stars or exploitative elements—get major news outlets like Time, Variety, and MTV (among many others) to pay attention at all?

In reality, the only big thing we did was realize an opportunity and choose to be patient enough to not rush our film into its theatrical distribution (not an easy thing to do once a film is completed).  And then, we just let folks know about it…

We could have never predicted the immediate and explosive response that followed.

More than anything though, what that avalanche of press did for us was boldly confirm what is actually the answer to the much bigger question I’ve been getting asked:

“Why did you do it?”

Why did we pick a fight and choose to go toe-to-toe with a massive cultural phenomenon that is almost certain to completely crush us?

And that answer boils down to this… we suspected that the release of Fifty Shades was a unique moment in time and we also (correctly, thankfully) had the hunch that maybe we weren’t alone in our thinking that—deep down—a lot of folks out there hadn’t filled up on the Fifty Shades Kool-Aid and were indeed looking for something of a different flavor in both their romantic lives as well as their entertainment.

In short, we had confidence that the longing for innocence that is captured so uniquely in Old Fashioned might appeal far beyond church walls and the faith-based niche alone.

We’re not naïve enough to believe that means absolutely everyone will dig our love story or agree with us or be happy that we are challenging something as popular as Fifty Shades.

And that’s okay.

Folks are free to choose as they may; but, if there’s anyone out there that has read or sees the film version of Fifty Shades… or anyone out there that has even lived it… and found the experience lacking or their own hearts still looking for something else… Old Fashioned is there as an option.  That is all…

As to whether or not we’ll get beaten down (pun intended) in public by Fifty Shades on Valentine’s Day weekend.  Well, the odds aren’t in our favor… they weren’t in David’s favor either, when he went up against Goliath.

At the end of the day, if even one single soul is moved toward greater healing and wholeness rather than greater physical objectification or emotional damage—by our film or by the cultural discussion that is already happening because of our refusal to bow our knee to Fifty Shades—we win.

And if we have to take a hit or two for that, so be it.

It’s a fight worth having…

It’s a cause worth fighting for…

It’s a risk worth taking…

– Rik

 

Curious?

50ShadesVsOF1200Timing is everything.

To repeat, just for the record, it has been over a 10-year journey getting Old Fashioned to the silver screen.  Not an uncommon story in the making of many films, but still…

From the initial idea to eventually writing the script and raising the money… all the way up to learning that Fifty Shades of Grey was releasing their film as a mainstream, romantic date-night movie… and deciding to wait and release our film on the same weekend—Valentine’s Day 2015.

More than ten years.

I mention the time frame—again—because it’s important to reiterate that Fifty Shades of Grey wasn’t even on our radar during the years we were developing and financing Old Fashioned.

We didn’t set out to make Old Fashioned as a response to any other book or movie… we were simply trying to craft a love story that was God-honoring and took a counter-cultural approach to many of the sexual mores of contemporary American society.

Even so, when the opportunity arose to release our film at the same time… well, that was and is a deliberate choice for which we make no apology.  We think it’s a great chance to engage culture in a discussion about that world we are creating, for ourselves and those that follow.

And this opportunity only became available to us because of… timing.  And, more specifically, I would say… God’s timing.

All the delays, struggles, “almosts” and the wide variety of hurdles we had to overcome to get our film made and ultimately released in theatres nationally—the very kinds of things that can easily make one question God—I now honestly believe were all placed there by God.

“For such a time as this” as the Scripture goes.

This really hit me hard recently as I was walking through some airports and movie houses…

Curious?

The big, seductive, cinematic ad entices.  And it’s everywhere.  Fifty Shades calling out to all those who walk by… including families with little children, young girls on the brink of womanhood, high school boys looking for role models, married couples getting bored with each other…

Curious about what?

Things that will lead to wholeness and a greater sense of self-worth?  Things that will create more healing in our hearts and less emotional damage?  Things that will inspire us to live up to our best natures?

Or… ?

We live in a sex-obsessed culture.  It is undeniable.  Hooking up has virtually become a national pastime.  We worship physical beauty and pleasure and amusement and anyone who denies that just isn’t paying attention or is being willfully blind.  I’m not saying that it’s worse than any other time in human history, but it is increasingly becoming more obvious and with the unending advance of technology, increasingly relentless and hard to avoid.

All that said, throwing stones at the obvious doesn’t really help anyone.

And the truth is that we also live in a time when any kid with access to a computer and no parental supervision can see—in about three seconds—far worse than whatever the film version of Fifty Shades will offer.

So what’s the big deal?

As I’ve commented before, it’s precisely the coy, cultural grin and collective “no big deal” attitude and embrace of Fifty Shades that is what sets it apart—especially once they made the decision to release the film on Valentine’s Day and mass market it as an aspirational romantic option.

Still, when an erotic novel trilogy sells over 100 million copies worldwide, it’s clear that it is offering something that people want.  Why shouldn’t filmmakers try and get a piece of that action?

We live in a free society, and I’m grateful for that.  No one is calling for censorship or a boycott or anything like that at all.  We are merely exercising our right to challenge the status quo and offer up a choice that—we believe—considers a more beautiful and noble way of approaching love and romance.

The stories to which we give our time and money and lift up for adulation… those stories will eventually shape who we are and what we become.  That’s a sobering thought.

When it comes to racism and bigotry in film and literature… the importance and power of this is (thankfully) realized universally.

But what do we really want for ourselves, romantically?  What do we truly hope for those that are closest to us, that we care most about?  What kind of legacy do we want to leave for those that follow?

We’re not saying that Old Fashioned is perfect or that everyone has to agree with every choice made by Clay and Amber (the very human and flawed lead characters in our film), but our story is one that is honestly searching for more than exploitation or objectification… and that matters.

This Valentine’s Day weekend is a chance to make a statement.

We hope and pray you will join us in our David v. Goliath stand-off against a cultural juggernaut that has way more in terms of money and media access than we can even imagine.  We sure can’t do it alone…

You can find our current list of theatrical markets here.

Chivalry can indeed make a comeback… if enough people genuinely want it to.

– Rik

 

The Smartest Thing Christian Movies Can Do

SmartestThing

Momentarily putting aside the discussion of the labels “Christian” or “faith-based” or “religious” or “spiritual” or any other descriptor as they relate to putting a movie in a box and/or providing—depending on one’s disposition—either a stamp of approval or a caveat emptor (“let the buyer beware”) warning of sorts…

Without a doubt, of all the press that has circulated in the six weeks or so since we announced the theatrical release of Old Fashioned on the same weekend as Fifty Shades of Grey (Valentine’s Day 2015), a blog entry by Scott Beggs over at Film School Rejects remains one of the most thoughtful, balanced, and convicting…

In it, the author strongly affirms our marketing strategy:

… choosing sides can have a powerful psychological effect, and Swartzwelder has effectively thrown the challenge down in a way that tacitly paints people who go to his movie as being one way and those who pick Goliath as being another. Those who don’t desire more from love and those who do. It’s an incredibly shrewd and clever move, and you can imagine more faith-based projects in the future making direct appeals within the scope of a mainstream, Hollywood giant.

He goes so far as to actually call our Fifty Shades counter-programming angle “the second smartest thing Christian movies can do right now.”

And while I personally appreciate the kudos on our release date savvy, what really hits home is Mr. Beggs’s follow up:

So what’s the smartest thing a Christian movie could do? Be good.

Boom.  He couldn’t be more right and I couldn’t agree more intensely.  The word “good” is subjective, of course, and the measure is relative, in my estimation.  An indie film with a budget a far less than a million dollars and a blockbuster with a budget of $100 million plus can both be good movies… albeit in different ways, most likely.

Regardless, his point is well taken.  He continues:

… the hallmarks of great, non-hammer-to-the-head storytelling have not found their way into faith-based filmmaking yet (unless you count movies like The Book of Eli, Noah and most of The Blind Side). At least not this particular, indie-focused subsection. Sure, there’s evidence that more people want “Christian values” in more movies (in whatever myriad ways they personally define them), but until Christian filmmakers learn nuance and symbolism to communicate those values, they’ll be preaching to the converted.

This is a smart guy.  I’ve never met him, but he is dead on.  And please know, I’m not afraid of messages in movies (and they all have them, no matter what anyone says), but good messages aren’t enough.

Yes, I am a person of faith and I believe in and love God… but I also love good movies, good art.  And I appreciate a wide variety of films from all over the world… just as I also very much appreciate this blogger’s call to excellence.  It should be heeded by anyone endeavoring to tell cinematic stories, filmmakers of faith and otherwise.

So, will Old Fashioned measure up to Mr. Beggs’s standard?  Are we “smart” enough to qualify for number one on his list?  Only time will tell.  He’s right in calling us out, whatever the case may be.  One thing I can assure you is that a very talented team poured every ounce of themselves into making not just a “good Christian movie” but a good indie movie, period.

It was never about a cash grab or exploitation.  Never about an agenda or propaganda.  It was about telling a dramatic and entertaining story in which we believed fully… to the very best of our ability…

Thank you, Mr. Beggs.  Sincerely.

Check out his full article here: http://filmschoolrejects.com/opinions/second-smartest-thing-christian-movies-can-right-now.php

– Rik

 

15 ways we can put an end to the dishonest dating culture

15Ways

Looks like even Millennials are longing for something more when it comes to the status quo of love and romance in contemporary American culture.

Earlier this summer over at Elite Daily (The Voice of Generation-Y), a very interesting blog post gave voice to the growing dissatisfaction with the whole “dating” experience of 20-somethings.

Dare I say it… a lot of what this talented writer, Lexi Herrick, maps out here sounds downright Old Fashioned…

What is the dating game, you ask? Well, you probably know it all too well. It’s the game of “let’s see who can try to act like they care less in order to get someone else to care more and then take turns.”

It’s the blurred line between how casual you are and what title you decide to designate to your romantic encounters. It’s so confusing that I often lose track and I’m sure you do, too.

What is the reason for not being able to be simple and honest? Like, “Hey, I think you’re really cute and I would like to get some coffee and giggle awkwardly at our small talk, so I can spend some extra time looking at your cute face.”

The reason it isn’t so easy is because we all play the game. Here are a few ways to put down your cards and really look at the faces that surround you without wearing your own poker face:

As Clay says in Old Fashioned, “We don’t have to go around using each other, hurting each other.  It doesn’t have to be that way.”

Nope, it sure doesn’t.  And no matter what lies pop culture tries to spoon-feed us, that remains true.

And honestly, when so many “non-religious” (whatever that means) young people are clearly looking for a more beautiful way to live out their romantic lives… after being devastated and their hearts bruised and battered for lack of wise counsel or guidance or even one, single positive example of love… many of us in “the church” need to remember that much of what seems obvious or old-hat to us could be brand-new and life-changing to someone else.

It’s time we move beyond our desperate, modern need to be approved of by and/or to not offend the cultural gatekeepers and tastemakers of the day.

It’s time we get over our fear of being mocked by The Daily Beast or Cosmo or People magazine.

It’s time we all risk a little rejection for the benefit of those who are so ready to not settle for less than true love…

Read more: 15 ways we can put an end to the dishonest dating culture (check out her #8, especially).  Looks like we’re not the only ones hoping that “Chivalry makes a comeback” next Valentine’s Day… sorry, couldn’t resist…

– Rik

 

Why I don’t want my daughters to see ‘Fifty Shades’

DaughtersFiftyShades

Meanwhile…

Back in 50 Shades-land…

Just last week, CNN had a fascinating article written by one of its own senior producers out of New York, Ronni Berke.  This is no right-wing propaganda piece or something written by someone blinded by a haze of overly-religious piety…

This.  Is CNN.

A mother of two daughters, one 23 and the other 26, Berke shared some rather serious and level-headed concerns about the influence the submissive undercurrent in the book/film might have on her own children.

Here’s a little taste:

Very little is really, truly, off limits these days. Girls much younger than my daughters will surely find a way to see “Fifty Shades of Grey” — either in theaters, on cable, or online. What’s unknown is just how profoundly it will affect their emerging sexuality.

Exactly.

And as for those who deny that Fifty Shades will have any major impact or that all this “knee-jerk overreacting” is all much ado about nothing… well, I actually have a lot to say about that.  But let’s save it for another day…

For now, as a person of faith myself, I’d simply like to say that I find it more than a little encouraging that it’s not just us “unstable and crazy religiosos” or Old Fashioned-types that are challenging some of the assumptions and the peculiar absence of societal concern in much of the media regarding some of the messages in Fifty Shades.

While it’s clear from her piece that Berke and I would not agree on everything, the one thing upon which we 100% concur is the reality that the stories we lift up and share with our young people… matter.  Those stories will shape them.  Those stories will impact what both our children—and our world—become…

Read the full article, you really should… it’s not that long: Why I don’t want my daughters to see ‘Fifty Shades’

– Rik

 

How “Old Fashioned” Helped One Woman Overcome Her Romance Handicap

Yesterday was a BIG day for Old Fashioned…

The eBook/digital versions of both the novelization of the film and the non-fiction companion devotional (The Old Fashioned Way: Reclaiming the Lost Art of Romance) were released by Tyndale House Publishers.

They can be purchased NOW at Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and cbd.com.

Print copies will be in stores in January 2015 (just before Old Fashioned lands in theatres on Valentine’s Day) and can be pre-ordered now via a wide variety of online retailers.

In honor of this milestone, today we have a very special guest blogger: Rene Gutteridge, the incredibly talented author of the novelization of Old Fashioned!  Enjoy…

–

When you’re a romantic comedy writer, people make assumptions about your personal life.  They believe my life is heavy on the romance and the comedy is thrown in for good measure.

The truth of the matter is that I’m so romantically illiterate that I shouldn’t be allowed to darken the door of any kind of existing romantic genre.  Looking at me, you probably wouldn’t guess it because I fix my hair and stuff.

But just toss a question out to my husband like, “Hey, on a scale of one to ten, where does Rene fall in romantic ability?”

Because he’s a good guy, he’ll probably smile widely and say, “She’s a good cook!”  He’s thinking, “Negative seven.”

When Sean and I got married nearly twenty years ago, I looked to be a very promising wife.  I loved all the things he loved, and I think he was particularly smitten with the fact that I played sports, loved action/adventure flicks and could pig out on nachos and hot wings just like any guy buddy.

When you’re a young man in your twenties, you think you might have found your dream woman.

But all that came to a screeching halt soon into our marriage when Sean tried to send me flowers.  We were on a very tight budget back then and they arrived at our doorstep on a Tuesday while Sean was at work.

For an hour, a dozen stunning, red roses stared back at me from the little bookshelf I set them on.  I studied them for a long time, biting my finger nail, trying to appreciate their beauty and wondering how much that beauty actually cost.

When he arrived home, after gushing about how kind that was of him, I somehow weaseled into the conversation the question about how much “…does a dozen roses cost these days?”

This kind of thing went on for a few years in the early part of our marriage (my squirmy inability to cuddle well, my complete ignorance about the power of poetry, my aversion to classic love songs) until one day Sean stood in our living room and declared, “I think you’re romantically challenged.”

Well at least we’d found a term for it.  And we dismally acknowledged there probably was no cure for my condition. I looked it up on the Mayo Clinic website. Indeed, the statistics were not in my favor.

Thankfully he still loved me anyway.

But as I went on in life, I ruminated about this peculiar problem.  What woman is romantically challenged?  How did that even happen? When did things go wrong? If romance was a stock option, women would rule the world—and I’d be totally broke.

I thought for a long time it might have to do with me being an absurdly practical person. Money on roses? Why not spend it on the water bill?  Sean would write me a poem and in return I would clean out his car to surprise him when he got up on Saturday morning. I don’t have to spell this out for you. Clearly I am lucky to still be married.

I think over the years my husband has subtly tried to help me out with this problem.  As much as I loved action movies, I thought it suspicious when he would insist on going to see romantic comedies with me.  We were of the Tom Hanks/Meg Ryan era of romantic comedies, and I saw every one of them.  Perhaps Sean was hoping against all hope I would at the very least recognize the Empire State Building observatory deck was amazing at night. (I say cold and windy, but please believe I’m trying.)

The thing that always drew me to writing and watching romantic comedy was the dysfunction.  That, I knew, was how love really worked.  Save it, Nicholas Sparks. I’m on team Sandra Bullock, where every romantic relationship is steeped in personality disorders.

I never bought into the idea of romance.  And I was sure I never would.  Romance, I thought, was just lame idealism, the world’s answer to the lack of loyalty and dedication to the hard part of life—real life—where people fail at sticking around at the first bump in the road.

Romance was, at best, unstable.

So I immersed myself in nachos, action flicks, and lacing my books with enough romance to get the general reader hooked and get me off the hook.

Then, along came Old Fashioned.

My longtime publisher, Tyndale, asked if I would read the script to see what my interest was in doing a novelization of it.  They said it was a straight-up romance.  To be polite and remain in good standing with all my editors, I excitedly agreed while secretly slumping on the other end of the phone.  I was hoping for a murder-mystery or something that didn’t involve flowers.

I opened up the script and began reading.

I was first caught off guard by the absolutely hilarious dialogue.  I leaned back in my chair, scratched my head, and thought, Huh. Romance writers can be funny. I had no idea. I thought they left humor to the romantic comedy writers.  I checked the name on the front of the script. It was a man who wrote this?

A twinge of jealousy struck me as I read on. I don’t like to be beat by a guy at anything, and certainly not romance.  But this guy had romantic chops.  This thing was the real deal.

I’d intended to sit and read for about thirty minutes or so that night, but I read it straight through, astonished at what I was feeling at the end.  Was I feeling…romantic?  Was I cheering on romance?  Was I rooting for what I thought I was rooting for…love?

Of course, the script did what writer Rik Swartzwelder intended it to do, which was challenge our modern world’s view of love and reintroduce a notion that hasn’t seen the light of day since perhaps Jimmy Stewart stopped making movies—chivalry.

And I suddenly understood that perhaps my own aversion to romance was itself drenched in the misconception about love and romance that had been ingrained in me since I was a child.  I realized that I certainly couldn’t live up to the hype of modern-day romance, love and sex.  What woman can?  We’re presented with flowers and chocolates and suddenly, no matter the guy’s intentions, we’re supposed to be every man’s dream.  We’re supposed to be more than a fairytale, mind-blowing in a way that puts Meg Ryan diner scenes to shame.

Though my husband never expected that from me, and in fact kindly accepted me as I was, I had put my own expectations on the notion of romance, and decided that I couldn’t possibly live up to the hype that came along with a box of chocolates.  So I rejected the notion of romance.

What a shame! What I have missed!

But I knew I had true love.  If Sean can love me through our rose fiasco, then I think it is love to stay.

And perhaps, if he ever decides to courageously return to his old fashioned, chivalrous ways, I will find within me the delight that I know it can bring, as it underscores that we’re lucky enough to have found the beauty of true love.

– Rene

P.S.  Before I start getting mail about this, yes, we’ve read The 5 Love Languages, listened to the audio version, done the workbook, watched the small group DVD and attended the class at church.  I’m going to be writing Dr. Gary Chapman to let him know there are actually 6 love languages, the sixth being one that requires a mutant gene in the temporal lobe of the brain, but it’s still legit. Sean promises me I’m not the only female who failed the test in the back of the book.